twelve-2

when will we realize, oh Lord, that we need You more than the air we breathe?

Thoughts

patience – do you think you have it? do you want to see how impatient people are around you?

here’s one way to view patience: drive at or under the posted speed limit everywhere you go; not 4 MPH over the speed limit, nor 2 MPH over…THE speed limit.

(major bonus points if you have your windows down, radio blaring, and you singing along at the top of your lungs to Sammy Hagar’s “I Can’t Drive 55″)

Thoughts

nothing else to read here, just the title.

move along, move along

What's Happening

i had it today and yesterday too.

a cold glass of milk and some cereal. yet something was missing. i yearned to speak with my Creator.

i didn’t want to routinely read passages like a drone, rather i just wanted to see what God would say to me today. Isaiah yesterday, Psalms today, who knows what tomorrow?

i hope i have that time alone with Jesus every breakfast. every day. every year.

What's Happening

Not sure how many parts this will be. In fact, this may be the only part.  But I like the idea of explaining why I am a Christian in multiple parts and most likely it will change over the years. Anyway….there was a discussion recently that prompted me to think hard about why I am a Christian and why I chose to believe in Christ Jesus. So, here goes.

I am a Christian because of what I believe, what I have faith in, and what I’ve experienced.  I am NOT a Christian because my parents are Christians, because it’s cool to be a Christian (at least in the deep South where I lived for 4 years), or because I’m being forced to believe something because my husband or most of my friends believe. However, I’m not ignorant to the fact that all of that plays a part in how I became a Christian.  It still doesn’t define why I myself made the decision to follow Christ and forge a relationship that is unique and set apart from all those in my life.

I am a Christian because I love Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit.  That’s great, some of you may say, but why do you love them, how did you come to love them in the first place?  That’s a whole topic of it’s own, but I think some of which pertains to the question I’m attempting to answer here.

I love Jesus because He has saved me.

I love God because He created me.

I love the Holy Spirit because He is with me and guides me daily.

I love the fact that I was created uniquely by a Creator and that He planned me before I even knew, before my mom/dad even knew. I am humbled by the fact that Jesus would die for me before I was even born. He knew the sin I would have in my life and took it on Himself.  How can you not love something like that?  What if your spouse/best friend/child/etc. took a bullet for you?  Would you not love that?  Would you not be humbled by the fact that they valued your life above their own and died for you?

Thoughts

On the day before my birthday this year, I was blessed with being able to go backstage at a Third Day concert. For those that don’t know me as well, Third Day is my favorite band of all times! I have seen then about 9 times, and 3 times in one year. They love Jesus and rock out, so I love them! While in line waiting to meet them, a lady come over and asked if we wanted to serve as Fan Photographers. As I was jumping up and down (literally), I think she took that as a “yes.” So, during the show, I got to film the bands, fans, go backstage, and just enjoy myself. And, boy, did I! So, the filming that I did has now become a 2 minute video. I would love for you to check it out and VOTE for the best video, preferably mine. Tell your friends too so we can get Charlottesville on the map for having great Third Day concerts!

So, go now and VOTE:
http://www.thirdday.com/reporter/?roi=farm-23507367-165800-bf4a3b05245173fa620013ede87f5b25&

Uncategorized

bring life into this world when there are so many lives struggling to survive? I just got an email from Bethany Adoption services about a 6th grade boy in Ethiopia who lives with 8 other children in an orphanage. His parents have both died and his other relatives are unable to care for him. My heart ached when I got this email. I would love to care for this boy, to bring him into a warm home, to love him, and show him how Christ loves him.

That made me think about all the other millions of orphans all over the world. Ethiopia has one of the largest populations of orphans because of AIDS and other illnesses. Parents die at a really early age and their children are left all alone.

I’m not against having babies by any means…but it just made me think about the choice some of us have – adopt or conceive on our own? I cannot answer that question right now; I’m torn between creating new life and loving what has already been created.

Thoughts

breathless…without breath, or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting…websters

I had someone I know express an experience he  recently had with God to me.  He said that God let him know that He was going to let him go a few moments without His spirit, as if God withdrew Himself from my friend for a short time.  My friend said those few moments were terrifying, scarry, and hard to go through on many levels, and then he thankfully and joyfully felt God’s presence return as if he were readmitted into certain aspects of life.  The exercise went on in the context of this individual exploring certain aspects of his relationship with God.  He was exploring what existing would be like without God comforting, covering, and breathing Himself into our lives in Spirit and any other ways He may do so.

Now I’m not an expert in spirituality with God, but I know my friend to be a sincere and honest individual, with nothing to prove to me, so I believe he had a real experience with God in the area of having some of God’s living presence removed from him for a short period so that he could better understand what God automatically is for each of us in everyday life that we may take for granted sometimes.

Today, I find myself panting, gasping, breathing with difficulty.  I can’t say it’s because God is letteng me play out an experiment with breathing His Breath of Life or because God is withdrawing from me.  It’s more like my automatic breathing sysetm is off or exausted, probably because it is tired of struggleing with me.  So, I feel like I’m on manuel, and on manuel, I’m not always remembering to breath, or I’m not always wanting to breath.  It’s like I’m holding my breath, and I’m only taking in fresh breaths of God and His spiritual breath when I absolutely know, admit, or remember that I can’t go without Him any longer.

There are only three circumstances that I can think of where an individual switches from automatic to manuel breathing.  I hear athletes and martial artists controll their breathing in training and execution for improved performance.  I also imagine some people could go so far as passing out to see how long they can go hold their breath for various purposes, like contests and such.  Then there might just be some who believe they don’t need to breath, so they don’t, who I’m sure usually find out evidence to the contrary as they inevitably find themselves panting and breathless.

Now a lot of you don’t know me, and I don’t know if that makes this easer or harder to believe, but here it goes:  I think today I keep finding myself in the third category.  Despite experience, evidence, and encouragement, I’ve found myself struggling with the idea of inviting God into my life and in return, expressing my life to God back and forth through the day.  I’m talking prayer.   I think that it usually goes on sort of auto pilot, but today Ive wanted to talk to this person or that person, even a  perfect imaginary person I haven’t yet met, and certainly not the people I have easily at my disposal. I’ve prayed for the right person to talk to, but it’s funny, I’m still not talking to God.

I don’t think this is exactly the same as what my friend experienced.  I do think it might be a small part of it. Not getting to experience fulfilling prayer with God.  Not accepting His breath and presence into my life and life experiences and talking to Him from my perspective of them because I want things my way right away, and for some reason, sometimes, that seems like it would include this type of person or that type, but it doesn’t seem to include God, even though that’s a ridiculous and embarrasing statement to make to other christians.  I believe He’s the first and most important thing to me in need, practicality, and fun, yet sometimes I find myself playing that ridiculous third guy who thinks he doesn’t need to breathe, who would rather do other things without God for some reason; I don’t know why.  My best explanation is throwing a fit or some sort of battle of wills and rebellion.

I just really realized that I need to go do some really important breathing exercises.  Thanks for being the person I could talk this out with.

Till next time

CalebEllingburg

Thoughts, What's Happening

Last night I was g-chatting with a gal from Cambodia, 12 hours difference, and who know how many thousands of miles away. It was almost bedtime for me and she was already in work the next morning. We chatted about missions, serving, short-term trips, and lots of other fun things.

When I was just about ready to sign off and go to bed, I asked her what I could pray for her for. She mentioned a few things and then asked…….(as I was thinking the same thing in my head) “this may be awkward, but do you want to pray now?” I was so thrilled she asked, because if she didn’t I was going to!

That prayer was intense, amazing, and real. God was clearly with me in VA and her in Cambodia, half-way across the world, several continents away. Our God is amazingly wonderful and powerful.

Thoughts, What's Happening

Lately I have been learning a LOT about God. It all began with a little book called James…

In struggling with a big issue/trial, I’ve taken pity on myself, done some self-loathing, and taken many other actions that were not the best. I’ve tried to control my situation, desiring what I want and thinking I deserve it NOW. This issue I speak of is something I have absolutely no control over. Most of my life I have gotten what I wanted because I worked hard (prayed a little) and worked some more and got it. I’ve rarely had to face large trials. Until this year.  God has been trying to teach me a few things through this trial of mine. I’ve been stubborn. I’ve said, “sure, God, I understand now, can I have what I want already?”  More stubbornness. So, finally this week God got through to me.

James 1:2-4

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

How can I count my trial as joy?  I was trying to, trying to be joyful in other things God had given me, but I couldn’t for the life of me find joy in my trial.  My problem was that, I was finding joy in what God gives me here on earth rather than the eternal gifts I always have from Him. I didn’t see Him for who He is but rather what He can give me and how He is blessing me on earth – house, jobs, school, husband, new challenges, etc. So, when I lose sight of those things He has given me, or perhaps I don’t have anything, I lose sight of Him. That needs to change.

When I realized that through my trial God is teaching me to find joy in Him, to be patient, to be trusting, to not compare myself to others, and to stop being prideful, that’s when I found JOY!  I have found JOY!  God is teaching me something and until I learn it, I won’t get what I want.  I don’t want to get that thing as much now because I know that I haven’t learned what God is teaching me yet.  But, when God does bless me, I will know that I have learned to be more patient, less controlling, less prideful, and have begun to find more joy in HIM rather than what He has given me.  I yearn for that day. I yearn to be refined by God.

Thoughts